Rational Irrationality: personal reflection on weird stage in life.
A reflection amidst chaos and flow, pain and bliss, confusion and joy, Love for All.
I don’t know just how it happened, I let down my guard
Swore I’d never fall in love again, But I fell hard
Guess I should have seen it coming, Caught me by surprise
Wasn’t looking where I was going,I fell into your eyes
You came into my crazy world, Like a cool and cleansing wave
Before I, I knew what hit me, baby
You were flowing through my veins
I’m addicted to you, Hooked on your love
Like a powerful drug, I can’t get enough of
Lost in your eyes, Drowning in blue
Out of control, What can I do
I’m addicted to you. — Avicii
I’m confused. Yet, perfectly clear.
I’m irrational. Yet, perfectly rational.
I’m wondering. Yet, perfectly content.
I doubt. Yet, I don’t worry.
Going through a weird phase in my life currently as a person who has never been creative, never cared to be creative, never wanted to be creative, ever.
Historically in my family, I would’ve always pointed towards my younger talented sister having had inherited all the “creative” juice. I was always the one that was very logical.
I went through life caring first about nothing.
Then I cared about progress, and personal responsibility.
Then I cared about proving myself, to myself.
Then I cared about efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity.
Then later discipline, ownership, and optimization.
Of course came, output, leverage, and leadership.
Then, awareness, emotions, releasing.
Now, expression from the heart, and only that.
I’m not sure how it all came to be. It’s none of my business. I attribute it to grace, and I’m deeply humbled as well as grateful.
I’m truly the happiest and most joyful than I have ever been in my life. Yet, I feel simultaneously the lowest lows I’ve ever had in my life.
I’ve experienced more bliss than I’ve ever had in my life. Yet, I feel more pain, sorrow, and feelings than I’ve ever had in my life.
I see myself writing and aligning with a path that I see as oh-so-irrational, it makes absolutely no sense given a logical evaluation of it.
Yet, it’s as though I’m a moth to a flame, committed to this irrational path of freeing myself — as though nothing else really matters.
It doesn’t scare Me, even though it should. It doesn’t bother Me, even though it does.
Everything just flows and I’m allowing it to flow. Allowing even the blockage of flow, to flow.
Here I am, feeling as naked as a child as if I just came into the world, just writing, expressing, creating, learning, what it means to be Me.
Uncertain of everything, yet certain of All.
Weird.
